Ranch Chili
I don’t even know where Mom got a Longhorn shirt?! Here is she with our old dog, Chili Dog, when we brought Luca home from the hospital. Rancho Frijole (we actually used to have a ranch!), Wimberley, Texas. 2005.
Mom and Dad finally meet their granddaughter! I made them drive around Texas for a week while we were waiting for her to arrive. Mom is wearing a shirt from Underwood’s BBQ in Brownwood, Texas. Austin, Texas. 2005.
The Reeds take on the Broken Spoke! Austin, Texas. Christmas 2011.
Another Day / Another Honky Tonk. My wedding reception at the now defunct Blanco’s in Houston, Texas. 2000.
Mom and Dad dancing at the ABGB in Austin, Texas.
Crank down the AC so we can light the fire! Christmas in Texas. Austin, Texas. 2016
Dad loves his kolaches! Susie’s Bakery in Weimar, Texas.
Have y’all been watching the new season of Queer Eye? It’s filmed in Austin and it’s fun to see some familiar sites, like my friend Todd’s neon at the Fab Five Headquarters and OMG Squee, an Asian bakery we drive by every day on the way to my daughter’s school. One thing I find annoying is that they are really pushing what I call the “Rootin’ Tootin’” angle of Texas. All of the promo for the show has the guys in cowboy boots (tucked into jeans! ugh!) and there are longhorns freaking everywhere. Full disclosure: it’s not that Rootin’ Tootin’ here. I mean, Elon Musk just relocated to Austin. I think this is how my mother felt when she saw the design for her book 1001 Things Everyone Should Know About The South. I remember her being really annoyed that they used a quilt motif for the chapter layout, and Mom was even a quilter! It was frustrating to her that the NY designer went with such a “down home Southern” cliché. (New York City?!! Cue the Pace Picante ad.)
EDIT (from Dad): The original 1001 cover had Robert E. Lee, a river boat, a plantation house — and a watermelon stand! We called our editor and said that was just unacceptable. The art department apparently said, “But that is the South.” Your mother said, no, she wanted a picture of Robert E, Lee and Martin Luther King getting out of Richard Petty’s automobile in front of the Atlanta skyline. We finally got MLK on the cover, along with Elvis’s grave and a Moon Pie. Much, much better.
There’s a story about the author Lee Smith sending off her manuscript for The Devil’s Dream to her Northern publisher. The text included lyrics she wrote for a country song:
On a double bed in a double-wide
With a double shot of gin,
I’m a single girl in a one-horse town
Sleeping alone again.
Lee received a note back from her copy editor that said, “a double-wide what?”. Ha ha. Southerners are misunderstood. Sure, we do live up to some of the cultural stereotypes (hello, Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders!) but there is way more nuance to our state than we are given credit for.
One Austin thing that IS Rootin’ Tootin’ is the famous Broken Spoke, a honky tonk which is featured in Episode 1 of this season’s Queer Eye. It’s kind of amazing how this place has endured for over 50 years with minimal changes. To quote creeper Matthew McConaughey from Dazed and Confused talking about why he likes high school girls, “I get older, they stay the same age”. That’s kind of how I feel about the Spoke. It’s just down the street from us and it’s a fun place to take out of towners to indoctrinate them. We spent a memorable evening there with three generations of Reeds one Christmas break. And, when Mom and Dad came through town a few years ago with their British friends, the Parkers, we took them to the Spoke. I had an entertaining turn on the dance floor teaching John Parker how to Two-Step.
I moved to Texas in 1996 after working for two years in New York City. (New York City?!! Sorry, I had to.) When I was in New York, I dated a Texan and primarily hung out with Texans and went to places like the Rodeo Bar and the Cowgirl Hall of Fame all of the time. I worked for a Dutch photographer and used to have to fetch his car from a garage in the Meatpacking District, which is now super chic but at the time was super freaky. I actually had to dodge swinging cow carcasses on the sidewalk. One day I was walking down West 13th and I heard Lynyrd Skynyrd “Gimme Three Steps” blasting from a doorway. A large biker was out front grilling hot dogs on a portable grill. I should have been scared as hell but, instead, I felt oddly at home. I guess it was the siren song of the South. The door turned out to be the entrance of the infamous dive bar, Hogs & Heifers, which ended up becoming one of my favorite haunts and the site of my 21st birthday party.
When I got tired of New York and ready to do something about it, I focused my job search exclusively on Texas and New Mexico. I was basically living a Texan life already, just in the wrong place. I got a job at an art gallery in Houston and promptly moved there with my boyfriend in tow. Of course we broke up right after the move and I had a “what the hell am I doing in Houston?” moment. Mom and Dad were in Cambridge (England) for the year and I remember calling them and saying, “I broke up with Devin and I’m thinking I might quit my job and come over and live with you.” Mom was quick to say a big “NO” which, frankly, surprised me! Mom was usually pretty indulgent with me. But, now that I have a child about to leave the nest, I can see what a buzzkill it might be to have that bird return so soon. I think Mom and Dad were simply having a blast together in England and it was time for some tough love for me. Thank God! I have now been in Texas for 26 years. I met my husband here. I created my life here. I love it here. I actually have a very light birthmark on my left thigh that, as a child, I thought looked like the state of Texas. Who could have guessed it would be foreshadowing?
So, what does this all have to do with Dale? Well, Mom loved Texas. She and Dad embraced it wholehearted and actually know more about the state than I do a lot of the time. I’ve mentioned before that Mom and Dad loved a road trip. They’ve been up, down, and all around in the great state. In fact, they have a favorite Central Texas kolache place (a kolache is a Czech pastry), a favorite crab place on the Gulf Coast, multiple favorite brisket places, and my parents even co-wrote wrote a song about sausage from Elgin, TX called “Hot Guts” (that’s what locals call their sausage). Dad sent me the lyrics in an email with the note, “The lyrics attached may be too cute for a non-Texan to have written, but if you know anyone who'd care to set them to a tune you don't have to tell them where they came from.” I’ll paste the lyrics below. Get to work on a tune, please!
Austin to Houston’s a mighty long road,
But in Elgin and Brenham you can pick up a load
Of hot guts and ice cream to speed you along.
I did it once, and I’m singing this song.
Head east on 290, off I-35;
You’ll soon be in Elgin, a half hour’s drive.
You’ll see Southside Market – it’s just on your right –
You’ll probably smell it as it comes into sight.
Get you some hot guts to eat in your car
While you drive on to Brenham – it’s not very far.
Real Texas sausage, can’t beat it for funk,
Washed down with that Shiner you keep in your trunk.
You’ll hit Blue Bell Cream’ries in an hour or less
Stop and buy Blue Bell at its home address.
It’s your choice of flavors, and they’ve got a bunch.
(I’m partial to the “Moo-llennium Crunch.”)
Hot guts for lunch, ice cream for dessert --
Puts grease on your fingers and cream on your shirt.
And you’re halfway to Houston, with time to digest
And think about Texas and why we are blessed.
Hot guts and ice cream is all that you need.
Hot guts and ice cream’s a mighty good feed.
Hot guts and ice cream sounds sorta surreal,
But hot guts and ice cream make a real Texas meal.
Hot guts and ice cream’ll get in your blood –
Pretty soon your art’tries will fill up with crud.
But hot guts and ice cream’ll make a man whole.
They’re bad for the heart, but good for the soul
I checked Mom’s recipe files for Texan-ish recipes. She left kolaches and brisket to the experts and indulged in their offerings when she was here. I did find a chili recipe which, interestingly, has pork and not beef in it. When I was a teen Dad did a comprehensive search for the ultimate chili recipe. He made chili for something like a year, I kid you not, and basically concluded, after all sorts of effort with homemade ingredients, that Wick Fowler’s store bought kit is actually pretty damn good. So, if you want a solid traditional beef chili, use that tip. Otherwise, maybe try this and report back? Perfect for a cold day like today!
RANCH CHILI
Makes about 2 quarts, serving 4-6.
2 ½ lb. Boston butt, fat trimmed and cut in apx 1” cubes
[This recipe is for 2 ½ lbs of pork after trimming. Says 3 ½ lb. boneless Boston butt yields apx. 2 ½ pounds when trimmed. I used bone-in and lost apx 50% of weight.]
salt and pepper
8 slices bacon, chopped fine
1 large onion, minced
3 large jalapeno (I used chipotle) peppers, apx 2 ½ inches long, seeded and minced
3 Tablespoons chili powder
1 Tablespoon ground cumin
1 ½ teaspoons dried oregano
5 medium garlic cloves, minced
1 Tablespoon brown sugar
1 28-oz can diced tomatoes
3 cups water
2 15-oz cans red kidney beans, drained and rinsed
Toss pork cubes with salt and pepper; set aside.
Fry bacon in large, heavy soup kettle or Dutch oven over medium heat until fat renders and bacon crisps, about 10 minutes.
Remove bacon with slotted spoon to plate lined with paper towels; pour all but 2 teaspoons fat from pot into small bowl; set aside.
Increase heat to medium-high, add half of meat to now-empty pot and cook until well browned on all sides, about 5 minutes. Transfer browned meat to bowl. Brown remaining meat, adding another 2 teaspoons bacon fat to pot if necessary. Transfer second batch of meat to bowl.
Reduce heat to medium-low and add 3 Tablespoons bacon fat to now-empty pot. Add onion, jalapenos (if using chipotles, add later), chili powder, cumin, and oregano; cook, stirring occasionally, until vegetables are beginning to brown, 4 to 5 minutes. Add garlic and brown sugar; cook until just fragrant, about 15 seconds. Add diced tomatoes and scrape pot bottom to loosen browned bits. Add reserved bacon, browned pork, and water; bring to simmer. Continue to cook, uncovered, at slow simmer until meat is tender and juices are dark and starting to thicken, about 2 hours (or longer – 3 is good)
Add beans, reduce heat to low, and simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally, for 30 minutes. (This chili tastes even better made a day in advance. When served later, add beans after reheating chili.) Adjust seasoning with additional salt and serve with condiments: e.g., diced fresh tomatoes, lime wedges, diced avocado, sliced scallions, chopped red onion, chopped cilantro leaves, sour cream, shredded Monterey Jack or cheddar cheese.
For spicier chili, add a pinch of cayenne or a dash of Tabasco, but this is plenty hot for most tastes.
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