Chatham Artillery Punch
Me and my sister in one of our Volvos. I like how I’m just letting it all hang out with the diaper situation!
Me, age 16, in my beloved Triumph Spitfire!
I’ve mentioned our metallic camel Chevy Citation before, but it’s just one automobile in the Reed family fleet. After the Citation came a stick shift minivan. Yes, you read that right, a stick shift minivan. It had to be special ordered. I think the appeal was that, A. manual was cheaper than automatic, and B. my parents just liked to drive stick. But, with a thing of that weight? Try gunning it at the top of a hill after stopping at a stop sign. That car was terrifying for a new driver! This van led to a lifelong love of minivans for my parents, Dad is still driving one. The rule of thumb for a Reed car is that it has to hold a sheet of plywood.
This, of course, made me go the complete opposite direction. Dad said that I could get a car when I was 16 if I paid for half of it, assuming that I would never have the wherewithal to save that much. Well, I showed him! I put all of my paychecks from my afternoon job at Modern Times into the bank and came to him one day with a clipping from the classifieds for a 1976 Triumph Spitfire for sale. John Reed, as most know, is a man of his word, so the car was soon procured. Now that I have a daughter learning to drive, it’s terrifying to me that I drove around in that little tin can. Dad installed a roll bar, but I doubt that would have saved me in an accident. The car was so light that once when someone parked me in downtown, two guys saw me backing and forthing endlessly and said “get out of the car”. They picked it up and swiveled it and I was out of a tricky situation!
Now, we didn’t always have totally utilitarian cars. I’ve heard that Dad went off to college with a Studebaker convertible and our first family cars were Volvos (I think my Volberg Grandfather has something to do with that). I remember sitting on the hood of one of these Volvos when I was little with my mom, waiting for my sister to come from a playdate, and proudly telling mom of the connection I made, “Volvo sounds like vulva”. (We didn’t use cutesy names for body parts in our household). She simply said, “yes, it does”.
Learning to drive was its own adventure. As I mentioned, we always had manual cars. Dad would take me out to the Brendle’s parking lot off hours and I would practice parking and turning. He used to yell, “grind me a pound!” when I would try to change the gear improperly and it would make a horrible noise. I also took drivers ed at school and had to drive endlessly around the country roads outside of Chapel Hill in a car packed with other bored teens. I heard that once when I was not in the car, our teacher fell asleep and someone drove to Virginia just to see how far they could get before he woke up! Those were the days. I think the teacher bought their silence with some hamburgers from Hardee’s.
Meanwhile, I liked to practice on my own at home, driving up and down the driveway while Mom taught piano. The problem was, I couldn’t remember which way the steering wheel went when reversing. So, one day when practicing I felt an impact and heard a loud CRASH. I had backed the car into the support that held up the bay window in our breakfast room. Mom came running out of the house and immediately got to work. She found a sledgehammer and started slamming the support back into position. She got it upright, threw the hammer in the garage, and went back to teaching piano. What a woman! Dad was none the wiser, probably until this very moment. Hi, Dad.
Today’s recipe is Chatham Artillery Punch. It’s a drink served in Georgia, where Mom has a lot of family and did a lot of genealogy research. You definitely DO NOT want to get behind the wheel after consuming this! On a side note, we just rewatched “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil” and they reference it. Mom had several recipes, all boozy. Some call for Catawba wine, while others just say “sweet red”. They all say for it to sit for a few days, so I guess that’s a thing.
CHATHAM ARTILLERY PUNCH
2 cups sweet red wine
2 cups strong tea
2/3 cup rum
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup rye whiskey
1/2 cup orange juice
1/3 cup gin
1/3 cup brandy
1/3 cup lemon juice
1 bottle dry champagne
Mix all ingredients except champagne. Cover and Refrigerate for several days. Stir in champagne just before serving. Makes 20 servings.
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